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Whenever you're picking a new name for yourself, you have to think and think and think. It has to be perfect because people will be calling you by it forever. We never think about that with our birth names; they're just kinda there.

So when I was picking a male name for myself, I had to think for a really long time. I thought about just masculinizing my name and making it Daniel or David or something, but it didn't sound like me. I wanted something that wasn't normal. I mean, I've lived for 19 years as "Danica," having to explain how that's spelled and where it came from (slavic, means "morning star") and what made my parents pick it (don't ask me!) and hell, just being "David" didn't ring a bell. Nothing about the name had anything to do with me.

I went through a couple of baby name pages looking at the meaning of names. Have you ever noticed how many guy names seem to be last names? Or be named after ROCKS? What's that about?

Anyway, I found that "Keegan" means "little fiery one," which sounded appropriate because I'm little... I'm 5'2" and really petite. One of my friends, contemplating what I'd be like as a guy, exclaimed, "You're smaller than a WOMAN!" And she was right. And my pagan activist group is called Fire; it's an element that appeals to me. Hm.

Then a friend, Cat, was looking through pages of Irish names and suggested "Aidan." It means "fire" too, or something like it. It resonated with me better than anything else so far; I tried the name "Aidan Keegan Nuccitelli" in a numerology page I found, and it came out okay. When I added "Dinn" as a nickname, because I'd used it before as a handle on TinyTIM and fancied being called Dinn informally, it came out even better.

I've started changing my name to Aidan on online forums, and got a few of my friends to call me "Aidan" or "Danny" (short for both Aidan and Danica) in "real life." I like the way Aidan falls together with my old name; it can be aiDAN/DANica; someone poitned out today that it could go the other way around too, like danicA/Aidan. danicaidan. kind of nice.

The combination "aidanica" also has encoded meaning; it's my name with an "ai" suffix, which reminds me of the Ai! Ai! girls in Hothead Paisan... the liddle kindergarten girls who yelled ai! ai! and had knives and kicked ass. My girlfriend speculates that Hothead might have multiple personality disorder, or maybe Diane DiMassa does; she has personality #2, and the ai! ai! girls sort of appear out of nowhere and behave like another aspect of Hothead, and she has lots of symptoms that might point to it. Small digression.

I was in the car with Jen-my-ex, also trans, on the way to TrannyFest together, and suddenly the name "Kenny" came to mind. And it really resonated. But I didn't want to give up Aidan for some random-ass name; but I liked being called it. So I decided that "Aidan Kenneth Nuccitelli" worked fine. I occasionally think "Kerrigan" would be a good last name, but I don't want to change my last name. Although "Aidan Nuccitelli," written down, does look too much like my grandfather's name... like, I don't know why it reminds me of Amerigo. funky, huh?

I lie in bed at night sometimes and feel sad that I won't be called Danica anymore. Unlike most of my friends when I was younger, I really liked my name. It could be written with every color of the rainbow, one for each letter, and it was individual and creative and all the good things I was. Plus I went to a summer school program called Morning Star, which rocked. I feel like, "poor danica! she won't be invoked anymore!" then I think, "but I'm danica. and people still call me that sometimes, and I can choose whether to be sad over the name change or not. nobody's being hurt here."

12/1/98 update

My bro, Star, doesn't think that "Aidan" suits me... so I was like, "well, suggest something else then!" Ze thought about it for a while and came up with "Derek." It means "Gifted Ruler," but it comes from Theodoric which means "People's Rule."
I like Derek cause, well, my brother gave it to me and that's special. When I did a numerology report on it, the name "Derek Aidan Kenneth Nuccitelli" worked pretty well.
Wow, someone put "Deryck" down here as their favorite baby name "because it represents the most beautiful baby in the world...and I also like the spelling...." (but I don't!) Someone put "Journey" down as a good name... but that might be a little too much of a conversation-starter there. I like "Derek" because I want to have a good strong normal name in there; that's part of why I liked "Kenneth." Something grounded and something individual.
"Braden" is sort of pretty.... it means "broad hillside" or "salmon. Or "Drew." Or "Decker," that could be a good Derek-alternative if I needed one. Some people are just like "I like this name cause it's my son's name." makes me worry about them.... I especially like the explanation of why Miranda is a good name: "It's different yet very unique." Uh-huh!
Four people on the babyzone site so far have listed "Aidan" as their favorite boys' name, (and one for a girl's name), cause it's "different" and "a good strong name for a baby boy" and so on. There was an article in there about how someone liked the name "Annie" cause it makes you smile when you say it (because of the eeeee ending); I think "Danny" is a good nickname because of that.

a snippet of me-ness right now:
> Where are you at identity-wise right now? Not asking > you to define anything that's undefined, or justify anything... just > curious as a friend, 'cuz i think you're cool and it's good to know what's > going on for friends. I know you've had a million questions about this > already, so if you're tired of them for now, that's cool too. dude, no wonder this was in my postponed box for so long ;) did i answer this better on forum? i sort of go around and around. it's fun to go from identifying as a boy to identifying as a woman-identifying-as-a-boy-presenting-as-a-woman to identifying as a drag queen to whatever. mostly because i'm at mills and that's all okay here. come to a woman's college and be accepted as a boy. it's a weird weird weird weird world.

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Anagrams of 'Aidan Kenneth Nuccitelli'
from The Anagram Genius Server

Rearranging the letters of 'Aidan Kenneth Nuccitelli' gives:

Alien in the clean-cut kind.            Unkind, athletic, ace Lenin.
Kind, athletic, inane uncle.            An unkind, technical elite.
Think clean-cut, idle inane.            Unkind, athletic, nice lane.
Unkind, athletic, nice lean.            Inclined an athletic nuke.
Think in unclean delicate.              Inclined authentic ankle.
Enchant unlike identical.               Clench alienate unkind it.
Lech alienate in kind c*nt.             The kind, lunatic, ace Lenin.
Clench uninitiated ankle.               Kind, clean-cut, alien hen it.
Hallucinate in decent ink.              Chic in an unlike talented.
Tunnel alienate kind chic.              Nail in an unelected thick.
Inclined hack lieutenant.               Enchant in like ideal c*nt.
Liken and the nice lunatic.             Accentuate in kind in hell.
Kind, lunatic leech in neat.            Hallucinate kind, nice ten.
Cheek Lenin and lunatic it.             Unclean thick and in elite.
Nine clean-cut, ideal think.            Enchant unlike idle antic.
Athletic, inane link dunce.             Alienated chunk in client.
Ideal chunk in nice talent.             Eh! clean-cut kind in entail.
Kind, lunatic, lenient ache.            The kind, lunatic, nice lane.
The kind, lunatic, nice lean.           In chalk in an unelected it.
Enchant alike idle in c*nt.             Annihilate in decent luck.
Calculate in the kind nine.             An athletic, nude, nice link.
Alienate unkind, chic lent.             In the clean-cut ale in kind.
Liked thin clean-cut inane.             Nine unclean, athletic kid.
Accentuated in kill in hen.             Enchant in like nice adult.
Liken in an athletic dunce.             Enchant cute link in ideal.
Nuke and athletic incline.              Enchant in unlike dialect.
Neck latitudinal, nice hen.             The kind in a clean-cut line.
Kind, clean-cut hate in line.           Hallucinate kind, nice net.
In dick in unclean athlete.             Thick idle in unclean neat.
Kill hated nice, inane c*nt.            Cute kill and ethnic inane.
Like in hen and clean-cut it.           Liken lunatic, enhanced it.
Unkind, athletic acne line.             In ankle in athletic dunce.
Hell! kind, cute, antic inane.          Kind hence lunatic entail.
Clench alienate kind unit.              Thick dull nice, inane neat.
In like the clean-cut and in.           Elucidate enchant in link.
An incidental, elite chunk.             The incidental, inane luck.
Enchant nice lad unlike it.             I hate kind, clean-cut Lenin.
Liked clean-cut, inane hint.            The Lenin in a clean-cut kid.
Hate clean-cut kid in Lenin.            Clean-cut it in hen in dalek.
Akin, athletic dunce Lenin.             Unkind, tactile, inane lech.
A lichen-tinted, inane luck.            Lunatic nick and elite hen.
Take inclined lunatic hen.              An ethical, kind, cute Lenin.
Kind, authentic, inane cell.            Linked, clean-cut, hit inane.
Thick Lenin and cute alien.             In unelected, anal thick in.
Childlike, inane, neat c*nt.            The unclean, identical ink.
Hallucinate in decent kin.              Enchant unlike lice and it.
Kneel lunatic, inane ditch.             He entail in clean-cut kind.
Each kind, lenient lunatic.             The kind, actual, nice Lenin.
Kind leach until nice neat.             Kind, technical, alien tune.
Enchant in killed in acute.             Inch alienate linked c*nt.
Linked lunatic in the acne.             Indicate the unclean link.
Ache unkind, tactile Lenin.             Nice luck in and in athlete.
Ninth alienated nice luck.              Thence alien kind lunatic.
Kind, lunatic, neat hen lice.           Linked, ethical, inane c*nt.
Enhance linked, lunatic it.             Cheek until an incidental.
Kill enchant tin audience.              Unkind, technical, neat lie.
Leak lunatic hen incident.              Clean-cut it in a linked hen.
Thank inclined cute alien.              Thank in uncle in delicate.
Delicate think in an uncle.             Liken and chic lieutenant.
Nuke athletic, nice inland.             Inclined unlike that acne.
I entail kind, clean-cut hen.           The kind, unclean, nice tail.
Kind, ancient, elite launch.            Liked clean-cut hen in an it.
Entail clean-cut kid in hen.            Check-in lieutenant in lad.
In thick elected in annual.             Launch like neat incident.
Alien in chuck in talented.             In an unkind, tactile leech.
Unkind, nice, alien chattel.            Aha! unkind, nice intellect.
Athletic, inane duck Lenin.             Nuked in the clinical neat.
Luck enchant idle inane it.             Unlike and the neat clinic.
Eh! lunatic ankle incident.             Ha! kneel lunatic incident.
Kind, cute, inane, neat chill.          Kind, lunatic, nice, late hen.
Kill the inane inductance.              An athletic, nice, unlinked.
In nuke in athletic candle.             Nuke in athletic, nice land.
Unlike a technical indent.              Lunatic lake hen incident.
Neck annihilate idle c*nt.              Latitudinal hence in neck.
I the clean-cut lane in kind.           I the clean-cut lean in kind.
I alien then clean-cut kind.            Eh! a clean-cut, kind it Lenin.
An elite c*nt in kind leach.            Hell! kind acute in ancient.
In the clean-cut lane in kid.           In the clean-cut lean in kid.
Then alien in clean-cut kid.            Chicken lieutenant in lad.
Check-in and until an elite.            An enhanced, cute it in kill.
C*nt like an identical hen.             In the clean-cut and I liken.
Liken inch alienated c*nt.              Then ink in clean-cut ideal.
Ink lech alienated in c*nt.             Ink thin unclean delicate.
Ache unkind lice in talent.             In talk in unelected chain.
In talk in unelected china.             Neck lunch alienated in it.
Kind, clean-cut heat in line.           Eh! in unclean, tactile kind.
Clue enchant kind, alien it.            Haul kind, nice, nice talent.
Kind, technical, inane lute.            In linked, clean-cut hate in.
Alienated 'n' until check-in.           Cheek until anal incident.
An ideal, thick, nice tunnel.           Hack in tunnel in delicate.
Kill nice, inane c*nt death.            Inane c*nt like neat child.
Clean-cut link in neat hide.            Enchant idle link in acute.
Nude link in athletic acne.             Hell! an akin, cute incident.
In the akin, uncancelled it.            Accentuated in ink in hell.
Unkind ache till nice neat.             Luck ninth delicate inane.
Chat inclined unlike neat.              An idle neck in the lunatic.
Keen lunatic child in neat.             Hell! inane, kind, ace c*nt it.
Kind, lunatic, nice hen tale.           Kind uncle in ethical neat.
Kind clue 'n' athletic inane.           Tune kind, ethnic alliance.
Entail in the unclean dick.             Check-in until an idle neat.
Think clean-cut idea Lenin.             Alike lunch neat incident.
Like enchanted in lunatic.              Like lunatic and nice then.
Entitled akin, nice launch.             Ink alienated chic tunnel.
Unchecked till an inane it.             Idle talent in a nice chunk.
An it chunk delicate Lenin.             Each unkind, tactile Lenin.
Enchant in adultlike, nice.             Unlinked in athletic acne.
In luck in ache in talented.            Athletic and nice 'n' unlike.
Ancient child unlike neat.              Taken in lunch in delicate.
Tank lunatic, idle, nice hen.           I heat kind, clean-cut Lenin.
Kind inane in the cute call.            Kind, cute then in alliance.
The kind, lunatic acne line.            Hell! an ancient, kind cutie.
Kind, chic lieutenant lane.             Kind, chic lieutenant lean.
Linked lunatic hence an it.             The linked, lunatic canine.
In linked, authentic clean.             Heat clean-cut kid in Lenin.
Talked nice lunatic in hen.             The naked, lunatic incline.
Unclean kitchen in detail.              Thickened, nautical Lenin.
Idle like enchant in a c*nt.            Lunatic like enhanced tin.
Include enchant like an it.             Ha! unelected link in antic.
Decline an authentic link.              In authentic, cleaned link.
Ink unclean, delicate hint.             Ink enchant till audience.
Ink lunch in delicate neat.             A lenient, identical chunk.
Elite, anal chunk incident.             The nice till an unkind ace.
Luck identical hen in neat.             Nuke enchant ill indicate.
Cheat inclined unlike ant.              Annihilated nice elk c*nt.
Hell! neck uninitiated can.             Hallucinate ken incident.
Eh! taken inclined lunatic.             Hi! a clean-cut, lenient kind.
Eh! in clean-cut tale in kind.          Eh! clean-cut lane in kind it.
Eh! clean-cut lean in kind it.          Kind, lunatic, innate leech.
An unclean, kind, elite itch.           Kind, unclean chat in elite.
Clue an athletic, kind nine.            Killed inane c*nt in cheat.
Liked lunatic, ancient hen.             Liked in the unclean antic.
Hi! in linked, clean-cut neat.          Nine lunatic, ethnic dalek.
Lunatic dalek in nice then.             An altitude check-in Lenin.
Led lunatic, inane kitchen.             Tuned kitchen in alliance.
Thick until cleaned inane.              A thickened, lunatic Lenin.
Cheated inane kill in c*nt.             Enhance in kill and cute it.
Kill enchant in united ace.             Liken in clean-cut death in.
Eh! clean-cut and liken in it.          It launched nice, neat link.
Idle in akin, clean-cut then.           Ink in the cleaned lunatic.
An idle kit in clean-cut hen.           Hell! unkind, ancient, ace it.
Nuke athlete and in clinic.             Unlike then in accidental.
Lunatic kneel and nice hit.             In the lacelike and in c*nt.
Hated in lunatic neckline.              Taken in the clinical nude.
The kind, I a clean-cut Lenin.          Eh! kind, clean-cut, tin alien.
Nice, cute neat in kind hall.           Lech eaten in kind lunatic.
In kind hence late lunatic.             Kind lunatic hence in tale.
Kind it hence lunatic lane.             Kind it hence lunatic lean.
Kind, authentic, clean line.            Launch kind, nice, elite ant.
Kind until an elite chance.             Nine linked, lunatic cheat.
Eh! linked, lunatic ancient.            Dull inane, neat check-in it.

The following are the longest words made using some of the letters:
uninitiated                             accentuate
accentuated                             accidental
annihilate                              annihilated
attendance                              calculated
hallucinate                             hallucinated
incidental                              latitudinal
lichen-tinted                           lieutenant
antecedent                              centennial
dialectical                             enunciated
inductance                              initialled
nineteenth                              technician
unattached                              unattained
uncancelled                             annunciate
channelled                              'allucinate
'allucinated                            inculcated
lanthanide                              Lithuanian
littleneck                              untalented

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This Sphere page first resurrected 8/17/07 by Stephe Feldman. Last update: 8/25/07.